Have you guys ever had a bad day? Haha right? We all have. I like this song when I have had a “bad” day. Not sure why. My husband actually hates it. He feels like it gets stuck in your psyche and then you have a bad day as a result. I don’t know about that. What do you think?
Anyway, as I ramble on,…this week I had a BAD day. And I made a pretty big mistake…I was MEAN to the people I care about the most. I sent a nasty text to my husband when he was late to something important to me. I snapped at my kids, for being kids. And I blamed the world for my day. It couldn’t possibly be me or my attitude right? It wasn’t that I was being moody and cranky. It was everyone and everything else. I am perfect. Right???
Truthfully, I am a pretty logical human being, and I know, and even knew in the moment, that I was being not only totally unfair, I was being plain old mean. I was not being charitable, kind, or any of the other characteristics that we all try to be.
Yesterday, I spent the day trying to justify my behavior to myself: It happens to all of us. I wasn’t feeling great. I had a lot on my plate. I never get enough help. No one appreciates me or my efforts.
But guess what? No matter how much I tried to excuse myself for my bad behavior, or put the blame on my family for not helping, or not caring, or whatever the case may be, the bad feelings wouldn’t go away. This morning I woke up and felt terrible about it still.
I have several New Year’s resolutions that I am taking very seriously, and one of those is to be a “nicer” mom. It is not as vague as that sounds, but I won’t share all the details of what I mean by that. But I will say this, I was laying in bed with a squirming little one year old crawling all over me, and all I could think was how lucky and blessed I am to have this bundle of joy in my life. I am so lucky I get to spend my mornings with these demanding, loving, caring, giving little
monsters sweethearts! Little humans I made. I signed up for this! Bad days and all! So no more justifying my moods.
Recognizing my behavior as childish and inexcusable was not a fun look in the mirror so to speak.In fact, it was really humbling.
My oldest son has a hard time taking responsibility for his actions. He loves to shift the blame, which we all do (just like I was doing all day yesterday). Last year at school it got out of hand, and his teachers were getting a little frustrated with his behavior. His actual behavior was less the problem then his inability to accept his responsibility and make a change. When they would try to address a problem with him, he would immediately start pointing fingers. We realized that until he could see that he is the one responsible for his actions, no matter what anyone else does or says, he would not change. So we got him some help. Some professional help. He saw a therapist once a week for about 3 months.
I felt like a failure as a parent. I couldn’t get through to him, but he was able to make some big strides with his behavioral therapist. I learned a lot by going to these sessions with him. But clearly I am still learning.
So what if I had a bad day? I have it pretty good. My husband is a good guy, a helpful, supportive, and loving guy, even if he does drive me bonkers from time to time. My kids are good kids, with good hearts. My
messy home is a wonderful place to be. We have everything we need, even if we don’t have everything we want. Bad days are not an excuse for bad behavior. So I am making one more resolution, and that is to own my actions, and stop allowing myself to blame anything or anyone else for how I act and feel. This will not be easy, but that is what resolutions are for, right? To challenge ourselves.
(Disclaimer: This was not written for someone else, truly this is a self-chastisement. I always work through things better when I write or talk them out.)